The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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