rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
