You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And then he peed in my hair
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