I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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