Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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