This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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