is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
