I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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