She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
