if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
