Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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