Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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