Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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