just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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