Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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