she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He felt like a one man threesome
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
