Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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