He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
