you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
