just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
