I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
