the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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