I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
