Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
