Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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