I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
