We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
