i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
