Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
