She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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