He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
