I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
