a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
