U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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