my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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