in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
