dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
