Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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