you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
