Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
