I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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