this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
