So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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