awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
