I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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