And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
