we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
