Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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