I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
