He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
