discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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