I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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