question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
