I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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