So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I currently don't understand fingers.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
