Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
