I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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