Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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