I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
