Kiss
Puke
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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