What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
