i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
