could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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