just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
