We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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