...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
