Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
