I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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