he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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