In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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