like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
