ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
