i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
