Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
