Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
