I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think i have two assholes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
