walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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