Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
