Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
