In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
