I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
