So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
